yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
