Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
