Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
