I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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