A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
