I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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