I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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