Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
