I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
