I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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