Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
