Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
