god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My feet surprised me
You left your phone here
Wait...
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