a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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