I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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