i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
