Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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It's blow job season.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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