New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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