Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
