i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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