The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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