WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
