I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
