I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
