you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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