dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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