Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
