I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
