Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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