my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
