MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize