is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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