I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Even my vagina gasped.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
