I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
