I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
