Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
