Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
