they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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