I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
