I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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