he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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