okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
