Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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