If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
