all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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