distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
