my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
only you would photoshop your dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
