She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
