My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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