burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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