you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
