Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
