I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
