forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
