from now on my penis is your penis
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
