I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
