he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
