could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
