She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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