sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
