one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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