sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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