Already got asked if we're dating
Umm I'm too high to move.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
