Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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