Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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