Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
