Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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