..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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