I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize