her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
