Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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