You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
