no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
