i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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